creatingpositivechange

If You Can't Beat 'Em, Join 'Em!

What have you done today?  I've been down to the seaside ... it was bright and sunny but as I returned home the clouds came out.

Sometimes I wonder why I do what I do because I'm in the communications business yet you wouldn't always know it!  Today my family and I gave a perfect demonstration of us at our worse as we were sitting down having a meal.  Maybe you can relate to conversations like these where:

• everyone interrupts the other
• people get the wrong end fo the stick
• one person - or more - overreacts
• you forget the point of what you're arguing about
• at the end some peole shrug it off while others fester

I could go on but I won't ... it's over now and there's calm after the storm ... and luckily tomorrow is a brand new day ... and I'm hoping to feel more brighter and more skilled.

Can You Be Happy For A Lifetime Without Winning The Lottery?

"If you want to be happy for a year, win the lottery.  If you want to be happy for a lifetime, love what you do." Unknown.

Sounds easy, doesn't it?  Just love what you do ... and yet that sends my mind in a spin because I do love ASPECTS of what I do but not everything!  Do you?

Modern life can be stressful.  You can be happy one minute and then something happens which alters your mood.  It's easy to say "stay calm" yet if you've allowed someone to push you off your perch or you've fallen off yourself, you've got to find the energy to get back on it again and that can eat into staying calm and happy!

So although this isn't my favourite quote, it's a good reminder that happiness is a state of mind and if you're in control of your mind you can choose to have a positive attitude, and that's got to be a happier place to live life.

So I'm going to go back to cooking supper - not loving doing this tongiht - yet I am in control of my mind and I'm going to be happy!

Softly Falling Snow In The Summer Sun

"Advice is like snow - the softer it falls, the longer it dwells, and the deeper it sinks into the mind."  Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Working in a school in North London I was struck by the number of times I heard adults give young people advice whether it was wanted or not, and I noticed at home I had begun to fall into the same trap.  As I caught myself doing this I attempted to rein myself in and change tack to be more effective.  It worked - my son did his revision but not his room - dream on!

Thinking back to my day which was about preparing Year 12 for the world of work, I wonder what thoughts will have impacted them the most.  I know for me it's the challenge of staying ahead and helping young people to be flexible and resilient with good transferable skills.

I rememer one of the best pieces of advice I ever got was at the beginning of my career.  I was working in a London PR consultancy and wanted to be promoted to an Account Executive from Secretary.  My boss told me, I had to keep on doing my existing job well while proving to him I could perform at the next level" - so effectively doing two jobs brilliantly at once.  Well, I did what he said and used this strategy again and again to get to the top.  Then I got pregnant, but that's a different story!

So what stood you in good stead when you first started out, and what's your best piece of advice you'd give to young people today?

It's Never Too Early To Be Prepared

Simplicity in the application process seems to have gone out of the window when applying for your first job.  I recently helped a 17 year old apply for four vacancies to banks and building societies and together we found out it's going to take him far more than a well structured CV to get his foot in the door.  There are a few hoops he needs to jump through first.  For example, although the vacancies only ask for candidates to have GCSE qualifications, his first task is to pass a telephone interview involving Mathematical and competency-based questions and, only then if he's successful,, will his details be passed to the local branch for a first interview, followed by a second, if he's lucky.

This means from the outset he has to be skilled at handling different types of interviews.  With phone interviews, for example, many young people and even adults, find this intimidating because there's less time to settle down and get a sense of the person you're talking to.  You can't see the look on their face or whether they're smiling at you or encouraging you with their gestures.  Obviously, if you're skilled at communicating then you have a better chance and can play to your strengths.

I'm concerned that young people will take rejection from telephone interviews more personally than they would from a letter received in the post after sending an employer their cv.  They obviously have less experience of life and the working world so can be more impressionable at taking negative feedback to heart and allowing this to impact their future direction and self-belief.

This may not be such an issues if a young person has a good support network yet it emphasises to me the importance of having good coping skills to deal with stressful situations as well as a good understanding of interview technique and presentation skills for both teenagers and adults alike.  So it's never too early to be prepared!

What's Yaks Got To Do With It?

I enjoy watching Bruce Parry's Tribe documentaries.  A little while ago he visited Bhutan, high up in the Himalayan mountains and spent time learning far more about himself than he ever imagined and Buddhism.  He described their philosophy as focusing on three key words:

1. Attachment - to be attached to something / someone is like being on a never-ending wheel
2. Desire - to be desirous is to form an attachment
3. Suffering - desires lead to suffering, and the way to avoid suffering is to be non-desirous and unattached to the outcome.  One way of doing this is to go inside and meditate.

He was unable to complete part of his journey - the yaks decided it was too dangerous to continue along the mountain pass so he was forced to return to the village he had spent time in.  This frustrated him as he had said he was used to accomplishing his achievements, especially the physical ones he set himself. 

However, as he vented his frustration, he realised in the "here and now of the moment" that giving away his "desire" and "attachment" to follow this path freed himself up to discovering new experiences he would otherwise have missed.

Would You Invite Only Strangers To Your Birthday Party

Theodore Zeldin, author of "An Intimate History of Humanity" celebrated his 74th birthday recently with a party.  Not your usual birthday party consisting of friends and family, but instead only with strangers to whom he offered a "menu of conversation", a series of 25 questions they were invited to explore with one another to find moments of connection.

His premise is based on the fact that there are 6 billion of us on the planet and we each experience and perceive the world in an unique way, and he's interested in, not answering the question, "Who am I?" but rather "Who are you?"

How's this for a thought experiment, taken from Zeldin's book:

"Look upon yourself as a collection of electric bulbs: do not put all of your energy into one bulb, or it will explode, allow your energy to circulate freely through the many sides of yourself.  The looser, the more open and limitless your identity, the better.  Treat your emotions as a garden that needs to be kept tidy.  Be generous and that will stimulate more resources within yourself, a new identity".